Jul 04 2014

Weird Stock Photos You Wish You Could Use — Here’s How!

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I’m dedicated to weird, so when a client complained the images I was using on business articles “looked like boring stock images” I decided that only those images that used metaphor and allegory would be used for his website. The weird and wonderful appeared in a simple Google Image search and my mission to find “not boring” stock images for my client was orgasmically realized! Some that I found are just too weird to ever be used on anything, which makes me all the more determined to find uses for them!

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Usually, a photographer will take advantage of down time or a few extra clicks at a photo shoot to create stock images. If you click on a photo on any stock site, you’ll find a dozen or more of the same scene with a model making different faces.

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I’ll bet the smiling pose is purchased more than the solemn one. I guess that’s why some photographers go through the time and effort to shoot the following set of examples of images. At least I hope that’s the explanation! I guess a clever headline would allow people to use these weird stock photos in articles and ads. Luckily, I’ve written for both!

Be there for the 69th Kentucky Derby!

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Some people dream of a delicious, handmade cake from Clapsaddle’s Bakery. Some people do other things with one in bed!

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A rose by any other smell is not something you send by the dozen!

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Xerox — who’s your daddy of reproduction?

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Where there’s new neighbors, there’s a great National Home Sales real estate agent!

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Feeling the pinch of the milk shortage.

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Disney — we create childhood dreams some kids never outgrow!

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The Food Channel — Because you’d rather watch other people cook than die a fiery death!

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Still not a big enough brain to stop the smaller one from making all the decisions. That’s why you should always carry Trojans.

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Real estate listing: “Spacious, light rooms with French doors and passed-out fat guy."

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It’s time for that second bathroom! — Joe’s Plumbing

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Do you really want to look like this? Eat healthy apples!

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Live like a rabbit… in EVERY sense! National Carrot Growers Assoc.

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Being financially flush is a great feeling. Wipe away your debt with Debt Enema, Inc.

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Are you getting the lion’s share you deserve? ‘Meat’ our financial planners today!

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You’ll just have to get your sick thrills by choosing your own lobster to be boiled alive and served to you. Capt. Fred’s Seafood.

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Mmmmm, no comment… but you’re thinking it, too!

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We don’t know what it is but we’re starting a charity and Nickelodeon show in honor of it.

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Are fresh fruits good for your pet?

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“My former boss is an idiot!” (not a headline, just something I remember when I saw this photo).

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With love filling their hearts, Vince and Carlotta would never smell defeat!

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If you were this baby when the VHS version of Jurassic Park was released, then this is how much money you now have saved for your retirement.

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Although his laptop had to be replaced every six days, Thomas was beating out all other employees in productivity.

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What actually gets me about this one is that the photographer has him sitting in a chair in front of the dryer. Why?

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No idea what to say about these but I swear I will use them, one day!

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Let her know she’s special this Mummy’s Day.

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That special sharing time when a mother basically admits to her daughter that her father wasn’t able to satisfy her. AWKWARD!

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Loving an animal can only go so far. ASPCA

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The conclusion… if there is one… is that there are no roadblocks to creativity, except the people who make the decisions and turn down brilliant work. Keep trying and one day you, too, can use the baby-headed chicken to brand some new company… called Baby-Headed Chicken, with any luck!

(dpe)

About the Author

Speider Schneider is a former member of The Usual Gang of Idiots at MAD Magazine, “among other professional embarrassments and failures.” He currently writes for local newspapers, blogs and other web content and has designed products for Disney/Pixar, Warner Bros., Harley-Davidson, ESPN, Mattel, DC and Marvel Comics, Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon among other notable companies. Speider is a former member of the board for the Graphic Artists Guild, co-chair of the GAG Professional Practices Committee and a former board member of the Society of Illustrators. He also continues to speak at art schools across the United States on business and professional practices. Follow him on Twitter @speider.

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Comments and Discussions
  • Alexander, 04 July 2014

    AWESOME!! What a Collection.. Love ur Ideas but damn, Stock Photos like that scare the shit out of every Audience.

  • Daniel, 04 July 2014

    Ô.ô omfg… How and where the hell do you search stock-photos? They’re more than great.. x’D

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